My name is Matt. One time, I got completely overambitious around Thanksgiving and spent $300 in one month on groceries.
The grocery store awarded me with a free turkey. Since I happened to have a spare duck in my freezer, I decided to go for it. This is my saga of making a turducken.
So, the thing is you have to take the bones out of the bird and this will be very difficult. I didn't take pictures of this part because I had my hands up a turkey's ass at the time.
Suffice it to say, once you remove the bones from your turkey, it looks just like this.
Repeat this process for the duck and chicken. Try not to hurt yourself. this is steps 1 through 21, or thereabouts.
In case you need help with the deboning process, I have linked out to instructions: here.
Next, find some spices. Use whatever you like. Specific flavors are unimportant for the purposes of this task, but make sure salt is involved in the spice mix.
Rub the spices generously over the inside of the bird.
If you need some ideas for spice rubs, I have included a link that can help: here.
The bird should look all spicy, like so.
Next step is the stuffing. Stuffing is not complicated, but if you struggle with that as well, click here.
Spread an even layer over the inside of the bird. Make sure its not too think or your monstrosity will never close.
It should look something like this.
Now we're going to take our properly de-boned duck and lay it flat on top of the turkey.
Make sure its laying in the same direction.
Repeat the stuffing step, add the chicken and then stuffing again.
Now, it's time to tie the whole thing together. You'll need some skewers. If you don't have skewers I can't help you.
Start by poking holes in the skin of the chicken at the edges. Alternate stagger the holes from side to side. Thread a skewer through the holes so the skin holds together.
Make sure the end of the skewer sticks out of the top of the bird so it can be removed.
Your guests would not appreciate splinters.
Repeat this for the duck.
The last step in the construction is to tie up the turkey. The monstrosity should be approaching critical mass at this point, so take care to make sure the binding is secure.
Poke holes at the edge of the turkey, but this time use we're going to lace the turkey up like tieing shoes. Look at the pattern on your shoes for the hole locations.
Note: Do NOT wear loafers when making turducken
Push a length of string through the holes like shoelaces. Carefully tighten your laces.
Now flip the bird over and into a baking tray. Since the bird weighs like 40 pounds right now this will be more difficult than it looks.
Bake it on 325 for like a week.